“I’m having a hard time letting go of my relationship, which I think is preventing me from finding my purpose in life“, a good friend of mine told me. He went on to say that while he had already broken up with his partner, he felt that he still loved her.
The first thing I told my good friend was that he must trust his inner wisdom and the decision that he made. He must ignore the inner dialogue of doubt, worry and fear that will fill his thoughts.
Instead of fighting these thoughts, he should rather use his energy and efforts consciously on positive outcomes. He needed to emotionally detach from their relationship so that he could eventually set himself free.
There’s absolutely nothing to be ashamed of when you admit that you have to walk away from a toxic and destructive relationship. You need to have a rational perspective so you can distance yourself from a hurtful relationship. And you need to develop daily positive thinking to overcome the pain that this process can cause you.
Why positive thoughts? Because our beliefs systems would have kept us in that relationship for a long period until the pain was too much. We cannot fight those old patterns, because they are often so powerful. rather we need to start building a new model in our minds of our self worth, what we deserve and how we want our relationships to be. That is where we focus our energy.
Let me share with you some of the things I told my friend to do to emotionally detach from his previous relationship:
Make yourself responsible for your own happiness…
You’ve got to stop thinking that your partner is your only source of happiness. When you keep thinking of what you could’ve or should’ve done to save the relationship, you’re doing nothing but beat yourself and remain in a depressive state.
You need to be in control of your feelings, well-being, and happiness. Nobody can control these feelings apart from you. Only by doing these can you make good choices so you can also meet your own needs.
Reconcile with the fact that there’s nothing you could do to make another person nice to you…
One of the hardest things you’ll need to accept is the fact that no matter what and how much you do for your partner, he or she would still demand and expect more from you. You were in an abusive relationship because you allowed your partner to abuse you. You were so willing to do everything to make him or her happy, even if it meant giving up what you want and who you are.
If your partner truly loved you like how you loved him or her, they wouldn’t let you lose yourself in the relationship. You deserve someone who will love you ALWAYS and not only when you’ve given him or her what they need.
Look at how bright the future is.
When you decide to break up with your partner, there should only be one thing on your mind, “I want my life back.”
You have lots of happy memories together, of course you do, but you might feel like memories and happy moments together are not enough to spare you from the destructive effects of your relationship.
You have to want a better life for you to have it. You need to look at the bigger picture and stop feeling sorry for yourself that your relationship didn’t end the way you want it to. If you listen to that negative inner dialogue it will drive you insane and keep you stuck.
Remember where focus goes, energy flows, so focus on what you want!
No matter how many personal development coaches you consult, you will hear the same thing – you must first WANT something before you can have it. Without that desire and intention nothing can manifest.
Trust yourself, believe in yourself, love yourself and go get what you want.